Reatreat on Murchison falls

I knew something was up the moment he strapped me on his backpack & took me out in the freezing pre-dawn cold. Being not afraid of cold is in my very nature, but this was something entirely unlike what I'd experienced before.

There was talk of unusual cold on the drive up to Murchison's falls, the target those two crazy m.f.'s had set for today. "-27" they read out loud from the car dash, but somehow it hadn't registered with me while I dozed off on the one hour drive between Lake Louise & Mt. Murchison.

"Nah, let's go anyway. Let's hope the sun warms things up a bit during the day." Stupid fucks. I'm going to break something in blade-shattering cold like this. It's not like I'm not built to withstand freezing temperatures. But metal, just like ice becomes brittle when it gets colder. I try to explain this to them, but to no avail. They are determined.

This kind of cold gets into you, especially if you're being hauled up a mountain, unable to move while you're strapped to a backpack. At least the carabiners, crampons, rope & assorted crap needed in my master's pointless pursuits stay cozy & warm in the confines of that big vinyl bag. Oh well, at least I get to enjoy the view.

My masters have something big in mind because the approach seems to continue forever, first up a frozen riverbed, then on higher ground through a pine forest and finally onto a debris-strewn field to the base of a hulk of a waterfall.

On the way up the sun peeps through the clouds for half an hour or so. So much for 'warming up' the day. I'm surprised to hear the shriek of small predator birds high above us hunting for what little wildlife is still stirring in the forest around us in these temperatures.

Now is my time for revenge, my masters have stopped walking, dropped the bags. They gaze up at the looming wall of ice & start 'organizing' their climbing stuff. I know the moment they stop walking in these temperatures hands, feet & every exposed piece of skin starts to freeze. That'll teach 'em for letting me dangle exposed in this cold for 2 hours !

It seems I'm right because soon enough my bossie picks me up with an unusually thickly gloved hand & as a bonus I hear him complain about cold feet. Humans vs. Axie Cold Test 1 - 1.

It seems he is determined in his malignant pursuit to break my blades as he scrambles up the debris field & starts whacking me in the cold hard ice of the easy lower pitch. Even though the climb is easy he decides to back down & rope up. I have a few more moments to prepare for the whackfest that is bound to ensue.

I notice things are different today. What would have been an easy pitch at decent temperatures takes an inordinate amount of effort. I can hear his heavy breathing as he pounds me into the ice, cleaning fist-deep patches of ice before getting proper purchase with my axe tips. At least the heavily cleaned bits of ice make great footsteps so the whole ordeal is just tiring, not dangerous or scary. Screwing in the protection also takes longer than usual. What a difference 20 degrees can make !

We both make it up the first easy pitch unshattered & after a long runout on a snowslope I am firmly planted in the ice to play my role as belaying aid. Since my masters are on running belay bossie uses me as an aid to waist belay his partner while he is setting up anchor at the same time. This was not in the book ...

We're both silent now as we start to cool down again after the exertion of the climb. Just waiting, freezing & taking in the amazing view while Francis belays Jo up a wet streaming patch of ice that is pitch 2. Liquid H2O at -20 ?! Wtf !?

At first, we take this wet patch of ice as a good sign. Easy on my frozen axe blades, easy on bossie's climbing. But then the invasion comes. Water dripping everywhere, streaming into Francis' clothes, instantly covering all things metal with a thin layer of ice. Carabiners clog up, the rope freezes solid, a thin sheet of ice is even covering my axe handles.

We make it up this second pitch & Francis immediately prepares to continue climbing, not wanting to waste time & get even colder. More easy wet ice at the bottom of the third pitch, we're getting colder & wetter with every step. And then suddenly, something breaks, bossie simply cannot take it anymore. He can take the cold, the fear & the wetness, but not all three at the same time ! This is just crazy ! Retreat !

I notice how the cold is messing with Francis' mind & body. All his actions slow down. He's fumbling with his gear, his gloves are frozen solid in a tell-tale 'claw', setting up the rappels seems to take forever.

We finally make it down safely & I can read the elation on his face as he poses next to the frozen solid ropes. We've made it.

Next time he threatens to take me out in this cold I'll loosen a screw, pop a bolt, break my shaft, shatter my blades. I'll do anything to convince him to stay in front of the cozy fireplace. Nothing below -15 for me anymore ! Is there a worker's union for ice axes? I'm sure it's illegal for us axes to work in these temperatures !